Sponsors & Fellow Travelers
What is Sponsorship in ACA?
Twelve Step sponsorship is a personal, voluntary relationship in which an experienced member of a Twelve Step program guides a newcomer (sponsee) through the program's steps and principles. In other programs, the sponsor has completed an amount of program work (The Twelve Steps, as an example), and has maintained a longer amount of time in the program. The sponsor shares their "experience, strength, and hope" and helps the sponsee progress through their recovery journey.
The ACA sponsor and sponsee relationship can differ in some key ways from some other Twelve Step programs.
From Chapter 11 of the Big Red Book of ACA, page 369-370:
In 1989, the ACA Sponsorship Committee recommended the "fellow traveler" or co-sponsor approach based on fellowship input. The ACA model of sponsorship is a modification of the method used in Alcoholics Anonymous. The AA model is a proven method of helping AA members find and maintain sobriety....however, the Sponsorship Committee did not believe the AA method adequately addressed the tendencies of the ACA personality, namely our over-reliance on others for direction and approval, and our tendency to manage someone else's life....So the fellow traveler model was developed to place the sponsor and sponsee on equal footing from the beginning.
Sponsorship in ACA functions a little differently than other Twelve Step programs, but the support of the fellowship's spiritual principles are still here:
From Chapter 11 of the Big Red Book of ACA, page 365-366:
The relationship between a sponsor and sponsee represents a spiritual connection between two people helping each other find life beyond the effects of growing up un a dysfunctional family. As fellow travelers on the road to recovery, the sponsor and sponsee find empathy. This is the mutual understanding that puts action into our identification with another adult child...
...Most of us choose a sponsor who has similar experiences or someone we can relate to from ACA meetings...
...Sponsorship is one of the program tools that helps us grow and learn more about ourselves and the Twelve Steps. Working the Twelve Steps with a sponsee dramatically improves our understanding of the principles of the Steps....
...For many, ACA sponsorship represents the first time we have tried to establish a relationship on equal footing with another person....ACA sponsors offer respect and understanding instead of criticism and conditional love....In a sponsor and sponsee relationship, we have a chance to make a real connection with another person based on mutual respect and trust.
From Chapter 11 of the Big Red Book of ACA, page 368:
In moments of self-doubt, the ACA sponsor holds up a mirror which reminds the sponsee that he or she is doing a lot of things right and that things can work out....
...In ACA, we tend to avoid the teacher-student style of sponsorship since we rebel against authority and since we have difficulty asking for what we need in these situations. We can regress to our people-pleasing behaviors...or recreate the abandonment of our family....
The fellow traveler method of ACA sponsorship seems to work best for us because it places us on equal footing with our sponsor. We can drop our people-pleasing or self-sufficient traits and ask for help. We do not have to feel intimidated....We also learn we can make mistakes and not have to know all the answers to be helped.
For more information, it's recommended to take a closer look at some of the resources we have in ACA on ACA Sponsorship and the Fellow Travelers model:
ACA Sponsorship: Fellow Travelers (Document from WSO on AdultChildren.org)
PDF Download
Connections, a Guide to Support in Recovery... Trifold (Document from WSO on AdultChildren.org)
PDF Download
Connections: A Guide to Using Support in ACA Recovery (Literature published by ACA WSO)
Literature Info Page
Hosting an ACA Sponsorship Workshop Trifold (Document from WSO on AdultChildren.org)
PDF Download
The Fellowship Text's Big Red Book has more information in Chapter 11, "ACA Sponsorship: Fellow Travelers". Text from this chapter will be referenced below as well.
ACA Arizona has a great page on their website detailing the “Fellow Traveler” approach. Check it out here.
Types of Sponsorship in ACA
Direct Sponsorship
From Chapter 11 of the Big Red Book of ACA, page 374-375:
Fellow Traveler – This is a traditional method of ACA sponsorship. A person is willing to share experience, strength, and hope in helping the sponsee work his or her way through the Twelve Steps and to pick up the recovery tools for facing life on life’s terms.
Temporary Sponsor – Serves as an interim sponsor for a short time until a permanent one is found.
Multiple Sponsors – More than one sponsor to serve various needs of the sponsee, as long as the sponsee isn’t hiding out in the various relationships. We don’t use multiple sponsors to avoid intimacy with one person or to “shop” for an opinion that we desire.
Co-Sponsors – Where two people are in agreement to sponsor each other. This model seems to work best for ACA members having significant time and experience in the program.
Long Distance Sponsors – This can work well for geographically isolated ACA members. There is snail mail, e-mail, telephone, tape recordings, and voice stream where distance or circumstances prevent person-to-person contact. Additionally, the Internet has made these long distance relationships more meaningful.
Some ACA members who are geographically isolated use online ACA meetings, ACA teleconference [phone bridge line] meetings, and live chat to work an ACA program. They use a private chat room or the telephone to do extensive Step work with a long distance sponsor. In addition to the Steps, there can also be discussion and meaning found in the Twelve Traditions in this method of sponsorship.
Indirect Sponsorship - Fellow Travelers
From Chapter 11 of the Big Red Book of ACA, page 374-375:
ACA Meetings can act as a sponsoring influence. The groups that sponsor a person indirectly usually emphasize the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, sponsorship, other program tools, and offer a well-stocked literature table with a phone list. The meetings are friendly and focus on recovery.
Step Study Groups that meet regularly to work the Steps together can provide indirect sponsorship.
Service Boards or Committees should not be used as a replacement for traditional sponsoring, but these boards and committees can mentor healthy behavior and offer sponsorship influence.
How to find an ACA Sponsor
Newcomers are encouraged to find a sponsor as soon as possible, but how do we go about finding one? To give ourselves the best opportunities to connector with a sponsor that works for us, it's best to attend meetings, meet new people in the fellowship, come to ACA events, and get involved in fellowship and service activities.
An effective sponsor is someone who pays attention and listens to you. They take note of your willingness to work the program and your commitment to your recovery. Your sponsor should also be actively working their own program and can lead by example. The sponsor should also be considerate and respectful and model those behaviors to you. Sponsors are also on they're own recovery journey. The focus here should be on compatibility rather than perfection.
Sponsors are not authority figures, parents, partners, family members, or a higher power. It's important to remember take accountability of your own growth and an active role in the choices you make in your recovery process.
When you meet someone you'd like to be your sponsor, feel free to ask them! Exchange contact information where appropriate and see if their sponsorship and communication style resonates with you. If the fit isn't right, you can always keep trying. There is no need to force a sponsorship relationship that isn't working. There are always more people to connect with on your healing journey.
