In addition to using the 12 steps as structure to recovery, below are listed some important items we  will need to do to find our True Self.

1. Admitting that you are powerless to change your compulsive and addictive behaviours (co-dependency, alcoholism, drug or substance abuse, dysfunctional behaviour patterns) without some help.

2. Committing yourself to learning to identify the unresolved issues you learned from your family or origin.

3. Learning to recognize your family patterns as they occur in your present relationship.

4. Learning to feel and express completely the repressed and/or denied feelings from your childhood.

5. Developing a new understanding of what really happened to you as a child.

6. Developing new feelings connected to what happened to you as a child.

7. Learning to take responsibility for your new thoughts and feelings. This means taking charge of your life and no longer expecting someone else to do it.

8. Developing a new picture of your family of origin and your role in that family without feelings of hurt or condemnations.

9. Feeling compassion for your parents and for yourself as imperfect human beings.

10. Accepting your parents and yourself just the way that you and they are.

11. Forgiving your parents and yourself. This means to “give back” to them what is rightfully theirs and give back to yourself what is rightfully yours.

12. Restoring the wholeness of your mind, body and spirit through the connection with your true self.

Defenses We Use As Adult Children

or “The Ways We Avoid Our Feelings”

   * Agreeing     * Analyzing     * Attacking, Aggression     * Being Smug, Superior or Arrogant     * Blaming, Accusing     * Complying     * Debating, Arguing     * Defiance     * Denying     * Evading, Dodging     * Explaining     * Frowning     * Glaring     * Intellectualizing     * Joking     * Justifying, Moralizing     * Minimizing     * Projecting     * Questioning or Interrogating     * Rationalizing     * Sarcasm     * Shouting, Intimidating     * Silence     * Sparring     * Staring     * Switching     * Theorizing     * Threatening     * Verbalizing, Talking     * Withdrawing    * Grinning, Smiling, or “Laughing Off” feelings     * Preaching/Lecturing, e.g. saying “You” (what you need to do, etc.), instead of “I”     * Quibbling, “Yes, but…”

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